I have decided that the ultimate optimist has to be AGL. She thinks that she is capable of striking the three top 4D prizes with one single set of numbers! Dream, dream, dream.
One evening, we were working late. Which was quite a change for me. In my 23 years of service, the number of times I worked late can be counted on the fingers of one hand! And even then, found time to have fun at other's expense.
On that day (a Wednesday) I acted as AGL's Singaporepools runner and so I knew what number she had betted on. When the result was received on my mobile phone, I edited one of the starter prizes to match her set of 4D on which she had invested $3. I forwarded the results to her phone. I shouted excitedly "I think you strike, I think you strike! Quick check!" And she did, and the smile and happiness that came with an unexpected windfall of $750 of a first time winner was too much for me to bear. I didn't have the heart to tell her the truth, other than to make her promise me a good lunch.
Of course I didn't get that free lunch. When she realized I had tricked her, she glared at me with a pair of "Medusa" eyes. If looks could kill, I would have been dead long long ago.
Over each Chinese New Year Singaporepools would have two special draws for TOTO. A reunion dinner draw where the jackpot is estimated at $5 million and a Chap Goh Meh draw with an estimated jackpot of $10 million. I would be kept so busy that I don't think I did any work during that 15 days period. I had different pools with different people and lost count of the number of pools I managed to get myself into.
One Chap Goh Meh draw is forever etched in my memory. I think that was in 2006, some 7 years ago! It was the evening before the Chap Goh Meh draw and a group of us were invited to MT's place for dinner which she hosted with her better half. It was so fun. I was there with my better half. GN was there with her better half. DY aka Mama-san was there with her better half. AGL went one step further - she came with her better half and offspring. CS was there too, also with her better half. And WMH was there with her appetite. ST was there too, I think. But conspicuously absent was LT - which meant we could gossip about her and laugh behind be back. What a wicked bunch we were!
After WMH has whetted her appetite, we went to the next and of course final item on the agenda - Blackjack. And who was the banker? Yours truly, of course. I always attend such functions with a pack of playing cards ready. Someone left the TV on and it was showing "Gags For Laughs". This contained an episode where the LOTTO shop (akin to our TOTO) cooperated with the Gags For Laughs crew to falsify the results to match that of an innocent punter. I was so excited, I recall standing up on MT's sofa, almost jumping up and down, shouting "Someone take down those winning numbers. Quick!" And someone did, bless him or her for that. So that was 6 numbers. I immediately stopped our Blackjack to focus on the more important business at hand. Everyone had to contribute $10 per share to participate in this new pool. I recall collecting about $150 and was assigned to decide on what numbers to buy. GN opted for one share only and the woman with big appetite forked out another $10 so she now has two shares.
My attention was focused on the six "winning numbers" from the Gags For Laughs episode. I suggested a system 9 which cost $42 using the six numbers as a base. So we needed another three numbers to make it 9. Someone had the audacity to suggest "Maybe we can use LT's waistline as one of the numbers!" I glared at that someone (if I divulge her identity, even now, 7 years later, she may not live to tell the story) and shouted "Cannot la. Biggest number to buy is only 45!"
I had to call the meeting to order as it has become quite unruly by then. I suggested that MT, being the host, contribute one number. With my Toto experience, and as leader of the pool, I gave myself the honor to contribute one number. And the last number was provided by Mama-san. We did not use LT's waistline as it would be wasted.
So it was left to me to plan on how and what to buy with the $102 after buying the agreed System 9.
To cut a long story short, the next day was a busy one for me. I had to run around to various Singaporepools outlets. AGL insisted that I must to go one of the "Lucky" outlets where every year, without fail, they would produce one of the big winners. My ears were itchy as if the boss was grumbling "Where is he? He is supposed to be here for the meeting, right?" I ignored the itches. I know how to prioritize. This has to my chance for early retirement. And if he were to chide me for going MIA, I would simply retort "But I have to buy TOTO for you what!" Right, because he was also part of one of the many pools!
I decided to placate AGL and took a cab to her preferred outlet. When I reached the place, the queue was as long as two SBS buses joined together. And I am talking about the buses with twin coaches. So I rushed to my preferred outlet which usually has shorter queue. And I was right. This outlet did not have a queue as long as two SBS buses. Because on that fateful day, the queue was as long as one MRT train. Yes, the entire train. But I am a patient man especially when it comes to retirement planning. The two hours queue should pay off.
I returned to the office at 4.30 pm only and decided to put in an honest day's work. That way, I could leave the office by 6.30 pm without feeling guilty. I spent the next two hours sending out numerous emails to my partners in the different pools, taking precautions, checking and double checking, to make sure there were no mistake which could cost me my retirement. And I was out of the office promptly at 6.30pm.
The draw results were due on teletext at 10 pm. So I bathed, meditate and sat patiently in front of the TV, waiting for that ominous moment. And when it came I was floored. I recognized the winning numbers. I knew we had hit a biggie.
Double checked with the myriads of betting slips in my possession and indeed, we had a big hit. Not 6 out of 6, unfortunately. But 5 out of 6. My mind was so muddled that I became unsure as to who were my partners in the winning tickets. So I called AGL and said "Eh, one of the betting slip with me hit 5 out of 6. Not sure who are the partners leh." And she replied, enthusiastically "I la, must be me la.Why only 5 numbers? Why not 6? Did we also strike other numbers or not. " Sigh.
And it turned out she was right. We hit about$5.5k that day. It would have been one share of the 10 million jackpot if we hit 6 out of 6. I dare not tell my partners that it was me who contributed the "non" winning number. I had contributed "19" as my elder son's birthday is on Feb 19. The number which we didn't have out of the 6 winning combination was 16. Sigh. That was my daughter's birthdate. But nobody cared. They were just excited to have won $550 per share.
I then messaged all the winners. I recall distinctly that GN called me and said "So we won't $1225 right." She is so naïve. When you buy a system bet (i.e. 7 numbers and above) you get more than one share of that particular group prize. We hit Group 3 which was worth $1225 per share but we had 4 shares since we bought a System 9. With the subsidiary prizes, we won a total of $5,500.
I wanted to abscond with the winning ticket. It so happened that I was travelling to Venice that evening with PK from Bangkok on a business trip. Friendships ruled, and I turned the winning ticket over to MT and her better half. I had suggested they meet me at the airport and take the ticket to claim the prize on Monday.
And they did. 4 of them went together. Or was it five. Will one of you please set the record right by commenting on this blog? I am sure the staff at Singaporepools, upon seeing them, would have thought they were one of the big jackpot winners!
So that was a fun experience. Let me end this posting with a short story.
One day, WMH and AGL partnered me to buy two system 7. We struck 3 numbers. Which means no prize. You need a minimum of 4 winning numbers to win a prize.But he next day, I planned with AGL to trick WMH into believing had won. We went out to lunch and then I kept pestering WMH to claim our winning at the Cheers shop which had a Singaporepool outlet. Told her collecting winnings for the first time will bring her good luck. AGL was a coward. She insisted on remaining outside. I escorted WMH inside the store and when it was her turned, I ran out laughing, only to find that AGL was laughing uncontrollably. I looked inside and there was our WMH proudly handing over the winning ticket to earn her prize. The lady at the counter took her ticket, ran it through the machine and returned the ticket, shaking her head sadly. WMH, cool, calm and collected, walked out with her head held high, but probably not with her dignity intact. As soon as she saw the two of us laughing outside, she pointed at me and shouted "I WILL NEVER, NEVER TRUST YOU AGAIN! NEVER, NEVER!"
And she stuck to her words. Until the next Toto pools is set up by yours truly!
Friday, 17 May 2013
Saturday, 4 May 2013
DIE DIE MUST TRY
Okay, folks, time to move away from the mountain. At least for now. Why? Because, there is going to be a volcanic eruption, followed by an earthquake of at least 7.7 on the Richter Scale, followed by a tsunami of a magnitude never seen so far.
You see, I have acquired this uncanny ability to predict with pin-point accuracy when a volcanic eruption is going to take place. My last prediction was so accurate, from the exact magnitude to the exact timing, that the World Meteorological Society invited me to speak at their World Earthquake Day forum and present a paper on my methodology. Of course I declined. I didn't have the heart to tell them that my uncanny ability to predict was confined to only one mountain. One single mountain. I also didn't want to have to show them evidence of what I went through to pick up this skill. No, I cannot do that. The physical scars are not for show. And the emotional scars - just let me suffer alone. If any of you folks hear howling sounds when the moon is full, just think of me and pray fervently. Arigato.
So let us turn our attention to another subject - my role as a runner and promoter for Singapore Pools. They say hindsight is vision 20/20. But alas, hindsight couldn't tell me how I managed to juggle my twin roles - as an employee working for my ex-employer and as a free-lance runner/promoter for Singapore Pools. That I survived in my full time employment till retirement time was, in itself, a miracle. I think I spent more time on one of the two - no prize for guessing which was the one that consumed more of my efforts. My confessions, in this and subsequent postings, will be very therapeutic for my emotional health.
It all started when I was 8. My mum was constantly flipping through her "numerical dictionary". What's that? That, my friends, is a booklet which allows you to translate anything you see, in real life or in your dreams, into four numerical digits for you to punt on the 4D lottery. We jokingly referred to mum's numerical dictionary as her bible but I will refrain from doing that now. Not in this blog, otherwise MT will accuse me of blasphemy!
And that dictionary was mum's only bequest to this son of hers when she passed away. I used that booklet faithfully until the day I got married. I put it away in cold storage, together with a set of encyclopedia. Why? Because my mother-in-law knows everything. From numbers to nuclear science. Any topic. You name it, she knows it.
Once I saw a car turned turtle on the road. Don't know what happened to the driver - it doesn't matter. What mattered was the car registration number. But the darned registration plates, both front and back, was covered up. On purpose. The traffic police seems to enjoy doing this to folks like me. Sadistic, I must say. Anyway, I called my mother-in-law (hereinafter, in this and all subsequent postings, referred to as "MIL" aka Might Mouth or MM, no disrespect to our former Minister Mentor intended). As soon as she picked up the phone, I shouted "Mighty Mouth, what is the number for turtle?" And she replied quite sweetly "Turtle is 5764, green turtle is 0901 and sea turtle 0705. Anything else?" Without even thanking her, I hung up the phone. Okay, okay, that was not how the call took place. It went the following way actually....
"Mother, can you please tell me what is the number for turtle?" She was in a good mood because she didn't bang down the phone as soon as she heard my voice. Instead she screamed "Turtle 5764 la. Green turtle 0901. Sea turtle 0705. And stop bothering me." Then only did she bang down the phone. I didn't even have the chance to thank her. But honestly, she is a real genius. Don't you agree? She should have studied nuclear science.
Anyway, I didn't have the budget to buy the numbers for all three types of turtles. Decided to put $5 big $5 small on 5764 and threw caution to the wind on the other two. No turtle turned up on the results of that Wednesday draw, not 5764, not the green turtle, not the sea turtle. First prize was 6975.
When I reached home, I asked MM what 6975 was. And she replied, with a wicked smile on her face "Tortoise!" I didn't eat my dinner and went straight to the room and cried myself to sleep.
So, my friends, tell me, pray tell me, should the correct English phrase be "turned turtle" or "turned tortoise"?
And yes, in spite of such setbacks, I have not given up. Die die must try. Again and again and again.
And who knows? One day, I am going to strike the top three prizes with just one set of numbers. You don't think that is possible. That the winning numbers for the First Prize, Second Prize and Third Prize was exactly the same? You go and ask AGL. But I will save that for the next posting.
You see, I have acquired this uncanny ability to predict with pin-point accuracy when a volcanic eruption is going to take place. My last prediction was so accurate, from the exact magnitude to the exact timing, that the World Meteorological Society invited me to speak at their World Earthquake Day forum and present a paper on my methodology. Of course I declined. I didn't have the heart to tell them that my uncanny ability to predict was confined to only one mountain. One single mountain. I also didn't want to have to show them evidence of what I went through to pick up this skill. No, I cannot do that. The physical scars are not for show. And the emotional scars - just let me suffer alone. If any of you folks hear howling sounds when the moon is full, just think of me and pray fervently. Arigato.
So let us turn our attention to another subject - my role as a runner and promoter for Singapore Pools. They say hindsight is vision 20/20. But alas, hindsight couldn't tell me how I managed to juggle my twin roles - as an employee working for my ex-employer and as a free-lance runner/promoter for Singapore Pools. That I survived in my full time employment till retirement time was, in itself, a miracle. I think I spent more time on one of the two - no prize for guessing which was the one that consumed more of my efforts. My confessions, in this and subsequent postings, will be very therapeutic for my emotional health.
It all started when I was 8. My mum was constantly flipping through her "numerical dictionary". What's that? That, my friends, is a booklet which allows you to translate anything you see, in real life or in your dreams, into four numerical digits for you to punt on the 4D lottery. We jokingly referred to mum's numerical dictionary as her bible but I will refrain from doing that now. Not in this blog, otherwise MT will accuse me of blasphemy!
And that dictionary was mum's only bequest to this son of hers when she passed away. I used that booklet faithfully until the day I got married. I put it away in cold storage, together with a set of encyclopedia. Why? Because my mother-in-law knows everything. From numbers to nuclear science. Any topic. You name it, she knows it.
Once I saw a car turned turtle on the road. Don't know what happened to the driver - it doesn't matter. What mattered was the car registration number. But the darned registration plates, both front and back, was covered up. On purpose. The traffic police seems to enjoy doing this to folks like me. Sadistic, I must say. Anyway, I called my mother-in-law (hereinafter, in this and all subsequent postings, referred to as "MIL" aka Might Mouth or MM, no disrespect to our former Minister Mentor intended). As soon as she picked up the phone, I shouted "Mighty Mouth, what is the number for turtle?" And she replied quite sweetly "Turtle is 5764, green turtle is 0901 and sea turtle 0705. Anything else?" Without even thanking her, I hung up the phone. Okay, okay, that was not how the call took place. It went the following way actually....
"Mother, can you please tell me what is the number for turtle?" She was in a good mood because she didn't bang down the phone as soon as she heard my voice. Instead she screamed "Turtle 5764 la. Green turtle 0901. Sea turtle 0705. And stop bothering me." Then only did she bang down the phone. I didn't even have the chance to thank her. But honestly, she is a real genius. Don't you agree? She should have studied nuclear science.
Anyway, I didn't have the budget to buy the numbers for all three types of turtles. Decided to put $5 big $5 small on 5764 and threw caution to the wind on the other two. No turtle turned up on the results of that Wednesday draw, not 5764, not the green turtle, not the sea turtle. First prize was 6975.
When I reached home, I asked MM what 6975 was. And she replied, with a wicked smile on her face "Tortoise!" I didn't eat my dinner and went straight to the room and cried myself to sleep.
So, my friends, tell me, pray tell me, should the correct English phrase be "turned turtle" or "turned tortoise"?
And yes, in spite of such setbacks, I have not given up. Die die must try. Again and again and again.
And who knows? One day, I am going to strike the top three prizes with just one set of numbers. You don't think that is possible. That the winning numbers for the First Prize, Second Prize and Third Prize was exactly the same? You go and ask AGL. But I will save that for the next posting.
Thursday, 2 May 2013
Eow siew tay mia hor lang tok..........
" U wait and see if it is S3 or CC or 44 (Fukien) when we meet la hor…."
No prize for guessing who is responsible for the terse response reproduced above.
I don't like the tone of that message - I assume that the "44" (Fukien) mentioned in that email denotes "death". Typical of her - issuing threats of violence. You think I am scared?
Before I proceed with my second posting, I must request MT to refrain from criticizing my Hanyu Pinyin. The title of this posting is in Fukien, not Mandarin, so this is actually Fuking....oops, I mean Fukien...Pinyin so MT, HOLD YOUR HORSES!
Please don't ask me what "eow siew tay mia hor lang tok" means. I am embarrassed just typing it out, and I am blushing. You should see the color of my face - not just red, it is crimson! Really! But I can give you a clue. It is a curse. And this was the very same curse which turned over 3,000 otherwise hot blooded Chinese men into Eunuchs, serving as minions to the Manchu Royals during the Ching Dynasty. It is this very curse which binds me to LT aka S3. You see, I was subservient to this woman because I was afraid she would use this wicked curse on me.
So let me tell you this story.
Right after my previous employer was acquired, and the two became one, many of my new colleagues hinted that I must go and pay homage to the mountain. It took me the whole of 3 seconds to determine who that mountain was. And so, there I was, presenting myself to her, standing in front of her (she didn't invite me to take a seat), introducing myself, my voice quivering, legs jittery (some of the symptoms of "P" so looking back, I now believe that was the exact moment my "P" started). At the end of my 5 minutes self-introduction (which usually takes an entire hour, cut short by her intense gazing) she still had not spoken a word. That was when I realized that the intensity of her gaze was real, not imagined. I could almost feel the magnifying glass effect, as if she was gazing at me through a magnifying glass, burning a hole through my body. That was when I threw caution to the wind. To hell with protocol. I have to save myself. I jumped to the left and that was when I heard a noise behind me. I turned around and it turned out to be a small cockroach (I learnt later that this means it is a male cockroach) scuttling across the wall. It dawned on me that this was the subject of LT's intense gazing, albeit through my body. As soon as her eyes landed directly on the poor thing, it stopped moving, frozen in its tracks. And that was when I heard the curse for the very first time, in a loud, clear voice "EOW SIEW TAY MIA HOR LANG TOK". The cockroach immediately, upon her uttering those few words, dropped to the ground. Fear overcame both of us - me and the cockroach. I almost wetted myself. I pointed to my new found buddy - not the mountain, the cockroach - and in a weak voice, reported as if it was my duty to do so " Madam LT, the cockroach died!"
In an eerily calm and collected manner, without any display of the emotions which was apparent when the curse was uttered, she replied "No, it is not dead. But it will not reproduce again."
I bent down to check on my friend, and sure enough, it was not dead. It turned over and flitted away, leaving a tiny part of its body behind. I took a good look at the part left behind and echoed her sentiments "It will not reproduce again."
The curse of the Forbidden City. I mumbled "Goodbye", bowed to her lower than any Japanese could have done, and made a very solemn promise to myself. I will never cross sword with this mountain ever, not this lifetime.
No prize for guessing who is responsible for the terse response reproduced above.
I don't like the tone of that message - I assume that the "44" (Fukien) mentioned in that email denotes "death". Typical of her - issuing threats of violence. You think I am scared?
Before I proceed with my second posting, I must request MT to refrain from criticizing my Hanyu Pinyin. The title of this posting is in Fukien, not Mandarin, so this is actually Fuking....oops, I mean Fukien...Pinyin so MT, HOLD YOUR HORSES!
Please don't ask me what "eow siew tay mia hor lang tok" means. I am embarrassed just typing it out, and I am blushing. You should see the color of my face - not just red, it is crimson! Really! But I can give you a clue. It is a curse. And this was the very same curse which turned over 3,000 otherwise hot blooded Chinese men into Eunuchs, serving as minions to the Manchu Royals during the Ching Dynasty. It is this very curse which binds me to LT aka S3. You see, I was subservient to this woman because I was afraid she would use this wicked curse on me.
So let me tell you this story.
Right after my previous employer was acquired, and the two became one, many of my new colleagues hinted that I must go and pay homage to the mountain. It took me the whole of 3 seconds to determine who that mountain was. And so, there I was, presenting myself to her, standing in front of her (she didn't invite me to take a seat), introducing myself, my voice quivering, legs jittery (some of the symptoms of "P" so looking back, I now believe that was the exact moment my "P" started). At the end of my 5 minutes self-introduction (which usually takes an entire hour, cut short by her intense gazing) she still had not spoken a word. That was when I realized that the intensity of her gaze was real, not imagined. I could almost feel the magnifying glass effect, as if she was gazing at me through a magnifying glass, burning a hole through my body. That was when I threw caution to the wind. To hell with protocol. I have to save myself. I jumped to the left and that was when I heard a noise behind me. I turned around and it turned out to be a small cockroach (I learnt later that this means it is a male cockroach) scuttling across the wall. It dawned on me that this was the subject of LT's intense gazing, albeit through my body. As soon as her eyes landed directly on the poor thing, it stopped moving, frozen in its tracks. And that was when I heard the curse for the very first time, in a loud, clear voice "EOW SIEW TAY MIA HOR LANG TOK". The cockroach immediately, upon her uttering those few words, dropped to the ground. Fear overcame both of us - me and the cockroach. I almost wetted myself. I pointed to my new found buddy - not the mountain, the cockroach - and in a weak voice, reported as if it was my duty to do so " Madam LT, the cockroach died!"
In an eerily calm and collected manner, without any display of the emotions which was apparent when the curse was uttered, she replied "No, it is not dead. But it will not reproduce again."
I bent down to check on my friend, and sure enough, it was not dead. It turned over and flitted away, leaving a tiny part of its body behind. I took a good look at the part left behind and echoed her sentiments "It will not reproduce again."
The curse of the Forbidden City. I mumbled "Goodbye", bowed to her lower than any Japanese could have done, and made a very solemn promise to myself. I will never cross sword with this mountain ever, not this lifetime.
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